Dwight

"Dwight", the recently planted Meyers Lemon Tree.
Dwight so wanted a tree of our own
that would produce delicious, juicy lemons.
Tanis' gardener procured this healthy, already heavy with a
dozen or more green lemons, tree for me to plant.
I planted it in the front yard. Dwight could see it from
his big blue chair in which he sat during his
waking hours.

This Sunday past we had a gathering in Delano Park across the street from my house. We came together for a Celebration of Life, Dwight's life, that ended on July 17, 2022, at 0655. His lungs failed from the effects of living with parents who smoked as well as his first wife. The entire time I knew Dwight his lungs had been an issue but it was not until March of this year the pulmonary function tests identify both COPD (chronic obstructive pulmonary disease) and emphysema. Within 6 weeks his ability to take his regular everyday 2 mile walk with Shasta deteriorated into first a mile then a half mile. The first two weeks of May he was hospitalized for blood clots in his two lower lobes of his lungs and pneumonia in an upper lobe.

Luckily being a retired registered nurse I had the knowledge and skill to care for Dwight here at 35 Page Street. I did so right up to his taking his last breathe. In the early morning hours I called Katie and Michael in San Francisco. They arrived around 2 a.m. and stayed until Dwight's body was taken to Parent-Sorensen Crematory in Petaluma. Leigh had done a stellar job of researching the very best one. I thank her for that from the bottom of my heart. Everyone I came in contact with were ever so kind, gentle and concerned about me.

I believe caring for Dwight and enduring his death has been/is the most difficult thing I have ever done in my life. I am so fortunate to have dear friends who are supporting me as well as Katie and Leigh who are both grieving the loss of their dad. So as a way to honor their dad and support their process they planned and executed a wonderful Celebration of Life. Some 20+ friends and family were in attendance sharing their stories of Dwight. My opening is below:

Flowers my cousin Shelley 
brought from her garden.

"35 years ago this coming Thanksgiving I met Dwight. HIs friend, Judy (thank you! Judy) invited Dwight to my friend Helen’s home for Thanksgiving dinner which was timed for after I got off work at 3:30.

Dwight and I seemed to instantly connect. Dwight had recently left his wife which was a red flag. He was just beginning to adjust to a single life while I had been living singularly for over 17 years. 

Dwight was committed to providing a home for his youngest daughter Leigh who came to live with him. He often spoke of “not throwing the baby out with the bathwater.”

We found a way forward and once we took Leigh to college in Oregon we began living together . . . splitting our time between my place in Sebastopol and a flat we rented in the San Francisco Mission District. Eventually as many of you know we bought a place South of Sebastopol on Hessel Avenue. We lived there for almost 25 years before relocating to Santa Fe, New Mexico. Dwight LOVED living in this city with the same world class entertainment as San Francisco.

Alas, my body did not like the some 7000’ elevation. So once again we packed up all our belongings returning once again to Sonoma County. We bought our home in Cotati. I am so happy we had pretty much settled in before Dwight was hospitalized in early May for two weeks.

Soon after returning home midMay his lungs began showing signs of failing. Growing up with parents who smoked as well as his first wife he was diagnosed with COPD and emphysema this past March. 

I felt so fortunate to have the knowledge and skills to care for him at home. His last two months were a gift of time . . . there was just him, me and Shasta. We had the opportunity to connect in a way previously impeded by our busyness of making 35 Page Street our home. AND now this house feels fo empty without Dwight. The pervasive fog wrapping in and around me is throughly protective right now.

Thank you! each and everyone of you who have come to celebrate Dwight’s life."

Dwight's ashes sit atop the
cupboard of sorts that holds
the television. When my ashes
are ready to join his, they will
be scattered around a large 
Cottonwood tree on Test Station
Road which runs along the West side 
of Mono Lake.
Dwight gave both Katie and Leigh
clear directions using google maps.

People knowing Dwight in his various parts of his life who shared their experience(s) of Dwight was so wonderful and heartwarming. The common thread was how he was so present and listened not fearful of discussing any topic the speaker brought up with him. Like me, Dwight was a One on the Enneagram and our "virtue" is serenity which Dwight exemplified throughout his life BEing a "perfect" One.

I am hopeful once this protective fog lifts, I can begin the grieving process with an often emotional releasing belly