Dwight

"Dwight", the recently planted Meyers Lemon Tree.
Dwight so wanted a tree of our own
that would produce delicious, juicy lemons.
Tanis' gardener procured this healthy, already heavy with a
dozen or more green lemons, tree for me to plant.
I planted it in the front yard. Dwight could see it from
his big blue chair in which he sat during his
waking hours.

This Sunday past we had a gathering in Delano Park across the street from my house. We came together for a Celebration of Life, Dwight's life, that ended on July 17, 2022, at 0655. His lungs failed from the effects of living with parents who smoked as well as his first wife. The entire time I knew Dwight his lungs had been an issue but it was not until March of this year the pulmonary function tests identify both COPD (chronic obstructive pulmonary disease) and emphysema. Within 6 weeks his ability to take his regular everyday 2 mile walk with Shasta deteriorated into first a mile then a half mile. The first two weeks of May he was hospitalized for blood clots in his two lower lobes of his lungs and pneumonia in an upper lobe.

Luckily being a retired registered nurse I had the knowledge and skill to care for Dwight here at 35 Page Street. I did so right up to his taking his last breathe. In the early morning hours I called Katie and Michael in San Francisco. They arrived around 2 a.m. and stayed until Dwight's body was taken to Parent-Sorensen Crematory in Petaluma. Leigh had done a stellar job of researching the very best one. I thank her for that from the bottom of my heart. Everyone I came in contact with were ever so kind, gentle and concerned about me.

I believe caring for Dwight and enduring his death has been/is the most difficult thing I have ever done in my life. I am so fortunate to have dear friends who are supporting me as well as Katie and Leigh who are both grieving the loss of their dad. So as a way to honor their dad and support their process they planned and executed a wonderful Celebration of Life. Some 20+ friends and family were in attendance sharing their stories of Dwight. My opening is below:

Flowers my cousin Shelley 
brought from her garden.

"35 years ago this coming Thanksgiving I met Dwight. HIs friend, Judy (thank you! Judy) invited Dwight to my friend Helen’s home for Thanksgiving dinner which was timed for after I got off work at 3:30.

Dwight and I seemed to instantly connect. Dwight had recently left his wife which was a red flag. He was just beginning to adjust to a single life while I had been living singularly for over 17 years. 

Dwight was committed to providing a home for his youngest daughter Leigh who came to live with him. He often spoke of “not throwing the baby out with the bathwater.”

We found a way forward and once we took Leigh to college in Oregon we began living together . . . splitting our time between my place in Sebastopol and a flat we rented in the San Francisco Mission District. Eventually as many of you know we bought a place South of Sebastopol on Hessel Avenue. We lived there for almost 25 years before relocating to Santa Fe, New Mexico. Dwight LOVED living in this city with the same world class entertainment as San Francisco.

Alas, my body did not like the some 7000’ elevation. So once again we packed up all our belongings returning once again to Sonoma County. We bought our home in Cotati. I am so happy we had pretty much settled in before Dwight was hospitalized in early May for two weeks.

Soon after returning home midMay his lungs began showing signs of failing. Growing up with parents who smoked as well as his first wife he was diagnosed with COPD and emphysema this past March. 

I felt so fortunate to have the knowledge and skills to care for him at home. His last two months were a gift of time . . . there was just him, me and Shasta. We had the opportunity to connect in a way previously impeded by our busyness of making 35 Page Street our home. AND now this house feels fo empty without Dwight. The pervasive fog wrapping in and around me is throughly protective right now.

Thank you! each and everyone of you who have come to celebrate Dwight’s life."

Dwight's ashes sit atop the
cupboard of sorts that holds
the television. When my ashes
are ready to join his, they will
be scattered around a large 
Cottonwood tree on Test Station
Road which runs along the West side 
of Mono Lake.
Dwight gave both Katie and Leigh
clear directions using google maps.

People knowing Dwight in his various parts of his life who shared their experience(s) of Dwight was so wonderful and heartwarming. The common thread was how he was so present and listened not fearful of discussing any topic the speaker brought up with him. Like me, Dwight was a One on the Enneagram and our "virtue" is serenity which Dwight exemplified throughout his life BEing a "perfect" One.

I am hopeful once this protective fog lifts, I can begin the grieving process with an often emotional releasing belly 

Simple not Easy

While I was sitting one morning this week past, a mom fox ran along the far side of our South fence carrying a rabbit in her mouth perhaps to her den to feed her offspring.

A family of six Black headed Grosbeaks are frequenting our bird feeders each morning. Titmice, Nuthatches, Mockingbirds, Gold Finches and, of course, the rowdy Blue Jays all get a "bite to eat" and sip of water. Chickadees are obviously nesting here at MuRefuge somewhere not yet identified or at the very least nearby. The seasonal changing of the bird population here at MuRefuge reminds its human BEing inhabitants of the natural rhythm called wu wei in the Taoist tradition. Literally wu wei means non action or non doing. A practicing Taoist describes this term: "cultivation of a state of being in which our actions are quite effortlessly in alignment with the ebb and flow of the elemental cycles of the natural world. . . . it is a kind of 'going with the flow' that is characterized by great ease and awake-ness, in which without even trying, we're able to respond perfectly to whatever situation arises."

Each day situations present themselves during our day offering us an opportunity to awaken fully and BE with wu wei, which is simple not easy.  Each of us can chose to BE awake, using the opportunity or not. I am reminded of the process by an adage from my high school band instructor: "practice makes perfect only if you practice perfectly." Now for this One who often perseverates upon "perfection" the meaning takes on a whole different perspective when One considers Tao Perfection, aka wu wei, rather than mere human perfection.

The Pipevine Swallowtail butterfly and the Monarch butterfly practice Tao Perfection each time one of these butterflies lays her eggs. Each choses the particular plant species which will nourish and protect the emerging caterpillar which evolves into a beautiful winged creature, the butterfly. This is the simple and perfect practice of species survival. It is not easy, this process from egg to caterpillar to butterfly. Nor is it easy for these BEings to negotiate all the obstacles presented to them (such as Roundup which is the human easy approach to ridding their property of weeds).

Pipevine caterpillars of various ages munching away at the Californina Pipevine's leaves.

A tiny Monarch caterpillar gobbling up a local milkweed leaf.
Rejoice! There are many holes in the milkweed leaves.
Unfortunately the Monarch caterpillars are not as numerous as the Pipevine caterpillars.

Simple not easy. I am a baseball fan, to be more exact, an Oakland Athletics'  baseball fan. Simple not easy adjusting to a low payroll team that trades their prime players because they cannot pay them what the high payroll teams will pay them. This is the natural cycle of the Oakland A's: members of the team in their prime leave every few seasons. This season has been instructive to me watching these young baseball players honing their craft. Practice makes perfect only if you practice perfectly. The young shortstop now playing for the A's is hard working; everyone who has know this young man since boyhood agrees. He shows up early and stays late learning and practicing. Oops, practicing but not perfect practicing until the stellar infield coach was hired after the season started. My oh my, how evident the perfect practice of going with the flow is when one watches this shortstop's footwork and movements on the infield during a baseball game now as compared to the beginning of this baseball season. Yes, he still makes errors. However, the errors are not from imperfect practice but rather from honing his craft and establishing new body memories of how to play shortstop. Simple not easy.

Another reminder for me of simple not easy: our going on nine years old yellow billed female fawn and white duck has a tumor growing at the junction of her right wing. She is evidence that that life of a duck begins with birth or in her case hatching and flows unimpeded towards death. 

The morning routine of the four oldest female Indian Runner ducks heading for their pond, aka old bathtub.
The top duck in the picture is the female with the tumor beneath her right wing.

Here she is beginning her day after leaving the her deluxe duckhouse one recent morning past.
She stretches out and flaps her wings, even though the right one no longer flaps as it once did.

She is the one on the far right beneath the flowering currant bush.
Fresh green lettuce for breakfast is enjoyed by all.
On the left is the duckhouse where trays with the organic soy free laying pellets
will soon be set for this morning ravenous flock.

She is okay with her process; even appearing content BEing with wu wei. She clearly enjoys her flock, MuRefuge, and us "kind" humans who provide her a safe environment in which she is living her life. I realize I want to make her process easy. Surely there is something I can do to make it easy. Then I am reminded how our doing something was for our dog, Rose. (*click and you'll have a link to Rose's story on this blog) Her leg was amputated for bone cancer. Of course, Rose's short time with us was a simple lesson in not easy. 

The natural process of BEing in physical form has a simple flow. Doing is easy and can provide one with a sense of "taking care of a situation" and keeps one busy with a flurry of activity providing an illusion of importance. Simple, on the other hand, takes "practicing Perfectly" this ageless Tao, "Perfect Knowing" that when a spirit, aka soul, inhabits a physical form the natural flow is birth or beginning, a middle, and an end or death. This marvelous creature, the old yellow billed female fawn and white duck, is reminding me of the temporariness of physical form, aka body, and how simple it is to BE with this natural process.

As we flow in the Taoist wu wei, may we

Our Rose, an incredible lightness of BEing

Rose                          

November 01, 2008 to July 20, 2012

“Some people (BEings), sweet and attractive,

and strong and healthy, happen to die young.

They are masters in disguise

teaching us about impermanence.”

Dali Lama

Rose joyfully embraced every 

moment of her life, right up to

the very last moment when she released

her will to join the Eternal Tao.

We have been blessed to

participate in her brief yet wonderful 

journey through this life.

We found each other on a bright, warm sunny day in late November, 2008, and brought Rose to MuRefuge midDecember in time for Dwight’s 70th birthday celebration.  People often ask if we “rescued” her? Rose says, “I was not rescued.  We found each other to form a pack of three.” And what a fierce protector of her pack! Yet she was more than willing to expand her pack . . . Auntie T, Auntie Fang, Dwight’s daughters and their husbands, Vickie, 

Meditating weeding

Coco and her grandparents, Splash and his foster parents, even a cat lover, Petra, who says she has never been greeted with such exuberance as Rose.  Her exceptionally joyous spirit was evident to anyone in her presence.  She was not one to hold a grudge nor want any pity.  "No way Jose" was her response.

In Spring, 2011, Rose became gimpy and within several months an osteosarcoma was diagnosed; subsequently her left rear leg was amputated.  Moments after the surgery she was off the operating table and ready to come home.  She found the allopathic drugs blocked her ability to find her own healing rhythm.  Rose had a extraordinarily gifted inner species communicator, Sandy Lagno, who could relay her process which was, I found, validating of my intuitions.  Her miraculous recovery astonished everyone who came in contact with her.

Rose running along the West side of Mono Lake
November, 2011

Around the Chinese New Year Rose showed subtle signs all was not okay in her hind quarters.  She went into shock as though she had just had her leg amputated and was surprised she had only three legs.  She withdrew and her Work in the physical form began in earnest.  Her process of coming out of the wild into a human world was demonstrated by growling and bearing her teeth, snapping and biting if Dwight or I did not back off.  In the wild when an animal is sick or injured, the pack drives the animal out or kills it outright.  Rose was fighting for her place in her pack and did not want to be driven out.  The dance between this wildness and her gentle, soft BEing continued right up to when she left her body.  She would growl and snap then want to kiss us.

In June it became evident that she had a tumor in her right leg which, of course,

the humans, i.e. veterinarians, wanted to x-ray.  When we checked in to get Rose’s permission, she asked, “Do humans need the information?”  No x-rays were done, but an aspirant was done revealing abnormal cells.  Rose looked at me, “Just take me home!”

Feeling the undulating waves of Mother earth

The wild/domesticated dance continued.  Rose ate less and less, but drank water right up to her death.  Of course, we checked in with her about euthanasia.  Like any Seven (an Enneagram designation), she wanted to keep it as an option, initially in the middle of the table and as time passed she pushed it further and further back, until a week or so before she joined the Eternal Tao she said, “I don’t want to be pushed out.”

Keeping the doorway open for Rose

Honoring Rose and her process was my focus from the outset.  Rose was my last Siberian Husky, Sun, reincarnated.  I had Sun euthanized before she was ready.  She, her spirit, hung around for a year.

Each animal, sentient BEing, is unique with her own path for her journey.  Allowing is my lesson and the dying rhythm of Star and Rose has brought to the fore for me that BEing in the present for the letting go of will and flowing with “the bigger movement,” aka Tao, takes an enormous amount of energy.  And participating in both of their dying rhythms, I am recovering from our culture's tightly held beliefs about pain and suffering.  Rose liked to use the word "discomfort" because that word is not so charged as "pain."  She found her discomfort "grounding" and a tool for completing her Work.  Suffering was not even on her radar, so to speak.  

During Star's last months with
us I saw this in Inqiring Minds
and realized Star was living
exactly like this equation . . .
no resistance to her life
process thus no suffering.

Dwight found this in a later issue of Inquiring Mind
speaking to him about pain and suffering.